Behind the Prince
by miss drew
Summary: Full Sum, inside.Severus is the boy with the past, the boy with no friends, the boy who claims to not feel. The boy obsessed with the dark arts and the boy who gets mercilessly teased by James Potter. Then theres Lily Evans, how she touched him..
1. The Boy Behind it All

**_Severus is the boy with the past, the boy with no friends, the boy who claims to not feel. The boy obsessed with the dark arts and the boy who gets mercilessly teased by James Potter. Then the boy who starts to have feelings for Lily Evans, the knowitall mudblood. This is the story about the boy who used to love and laugh who became known as the man who killed Albus Dumbledore._**

**Chapter One The Boy Behind it All**  
_"Clean it up boy!" hissed the man in the boys ears. The boy stood there frozen, just staring at him, his dark eyes opened wide with fear. "Don't just stand there fool, clean it up. Your mum would have such a fit if you didn't do what I asked." His face cracked into an evil disgusting smile.  
The boy continued to stare, taking steps back, little by little, finding a place agaisnt the wall, "Please...please.."  
"Don't beg, don't ever beg. You pitiful lump of--" He raised his wand.  
A flash of red light..._

"Ahhhh!" He shook and shook and finally opened his eyes, realizing he was sleeping. "A dream...Just a dream..."  
"Can't you shut the bloody hell up Snape." moaned a voice from the distant corner.  
He turned his head and stared out the window, full moon was glaring down at him.  
He always wondered how they were able to get windows on a dungeon common room.He drifted back to sleep.

He sat there in the library, his hands covering his face, miserable. It had to be his doing, he was torturing him until he agreed... He couldn't give in, not ever.  
"Snivelly, what are you doing in the library? Trying to disgust us until we leave?" sneered Sirius Black, in his usual arrogant manner. He stared down at him, with a boastful smile, as if he knew exactly all the things that were bugging him and he knew just the way to stop them.  
"If anything, Black, I'm not trying to disgust you until you leave, I'm just trying to clean the vernim up so the libary can be cleaner." He snarled, he felt his wand under his cloak, poking at his side. It was edging to be taken out to be used.  
"Shut your mouth." Black sneered. James Potter was behind him, playing with his hair and giving his friend an admiring look and the same disgusted look at Severus. He looked behind him and then looked back, "If we weren't in the library, I would hex you to oblivion."  
Severus looked up and gave him a smirk, "You know Black, you're _barking_--oh I mean--voice, isn't threatening at the least so run along and play with your lapdog."  
James made a rude gesture at Severus and his friend behind him held his arm back.  
"Ten points off, for having your wand out like that in the library." rang a voice from the foot of the library. James suddenly shoved his friend away and started playing with his hair again. He started standing up straighter and fiddled with his cloak.  
"Evans! No need to be so hostile, we were only showing our friend Snivellus here, a lesson in etiquette. How he should take showers regularly than once a decade like his mum taught him." James said in a different, in a more mature matter.  
Her green eyes flared, "You are unbelievable."  
The boy named Severus just sat back, annoyed, disgusted, that a mudblood felt she had to protect him... Him! Did she not know what he was capable of? Did she not know who he _was_? What marks he got? How much he knew? Or did she not care? Was she only doing this so she could have a shot at yelling at Potter, an excuse to snap at him, to tell him what she really thought, do deny him _one_ more time?  
He stood up, fed up with the likes of them.He shot them one last glare and them looked at her, she was two heads shorter then him but the way she stood, looking back, it was as if she was just as tall. She stared back through her emerald eyes, staring hard at him, searching him.  
He admitted, she was lovely, inside and out...but nevertheless, she was a mudblood...a know it all mudblood...that always tried to find a reason to stick up for him, like he couldn't do it himself.  
He became angry, his stare became harder and the grip on his wand became more determined...To him all the seconds going by felt like eternity, but really only a few seconds had gone by.  
"Going to take a shower now?" Sirius chirped, grinning madly.  
"Black--" She began again, this time though, he had enough, he grabbed her hand.  
"I can take care of myself, mudblood, just because I don't raise my voice or my wand doesn't say otherwise. If I needed your help, I would ask for it." He dropped her hand and walked away, he didn't look back.  
"Potter, put your wand down, he had every right. I said stop." He heard her hiss, he could tell she was trying to keep her voice down.  
What was her problem anyways?

_"You stupid foolish know-nothing boy! Close your mind, think of nothing. Feel nothing. Be nothing. Do you want insolents to penetrate your mind?" The man snarled in his ear, two inches away from his face. Beads of sweat rolling down his forehead.  
_He shook his head, he didn't have to go that place anymore...Everything was going to be alright...  
"Hogsmeade trip this weekend, any of you blokes going? Lestrange? Nox? Crabbe?" Lucius stopped dead and turned his head to face Severus, "Snape?"  
"Do I ever go?" He retorted in a rather bored voice.  
"I thought change would be good." He said in a rather rushed voice. "Potter is going to be there, alone. Lupin is off with some bloody cold and I just hexed Blacks drink and he is off stuck in the hospital wing until Monday. I had it timed so he would miss the trip. He usually loves those. Oh well." He had a smirk on, boys behind him chortled over with laughter.  
The thought of Potter alone fascinated him, he didn't reckon he's ever been alone, "And what about Pettigrew?"  
"Stupid bloke never got the paper signed, remember? Sure got told off by McGonagal when he got caught. And Potter would never miss a chance to go to Zonkos."  
In the corner of his eye, he spotted her...she was pretending like she wasn't staring at him, although he knew she was. But it wasn't a stare, it was a glare... Was she really glaring at him? Had she heard? Or was it a figment of your imagination..

_Close your mind..._

She had heard, everything.  
Her green eyes were filled with disappointment and disgust. She shook her head and continued reading her book. He noticed how her fiery red hair always caught his eye. The way it was so curly but still always stayed in place and how it bounced when she walked. However, she looked rather pale and rigid today... Her face was expressionless and the book she happened to be 'reading' was turned upsidedown.  
"Intrigued Severus?" rang Lucius voice, interrupting his thoughts.  
He looked back at those gray eyes, "Definitely."

"You sure have a funny habit to always be around me." Severus snapped darkly at the red head trying to walk away fast.  
"Wrong place at the wrong time, won't happen again." She said meekly. He saw her tense up and she slowly turned to face him, "Yes?"  
He shrugged, "I just happen to not think it was by accident."  
"Well it was." In the most unconvincing voice, he didn't even need his Legimensly (sp?) to figure her out.  
"What did you think wittly Potter was going to hex me?" He said, growing inpatient and angry.  
"No, and if he was, you can take care of yourself."  
"Then why are you always there!" He snapped, his temper getting the best of him.  
"Because, I'm just curious if you ever have the nerve to actually use all the dark magic you study in the library." She snapped back, dangerously. Her eyes growing into two green flames, burning through his skin.  
"I don't know what you're talking about." He snarled, his face contorted in anger.  
"Really? You don't?" She said daringly, taking a step forward. "Surprising, since you don't have the smarts to do it in hiding."  
"Maybe because I'm not doing anything at all."  
"Fat chance."  
"Do you take pride in _trying_ to be an insufferable know-it-all, mudblood?" His voice was steady and dripped of icyness.  
"Maybe I do." She retorted coldly.  
"Well, be that as it may, I don't need you, Evans, to fight my battles or win my wars. I can do so on my own." He said dangerously and turned his back.  
"Well maybe---just maybe---if you had some friends to have your back, you wouldn't need a mudblood like me to, how did you say it, oh yes---'fight your battles'---just a thought." She said in a hushed deadly voice.  
He watched her walk away, he felt something tugging at his stomach...something that made him want to follow her...even touch her...a little..

He shook his head.  
Thats Lily Evans, the mudblood.

**A/N-First chapter of Behind the Prince, hope you enjoyed it.**


	2. The Boy With No Friends

**Chapter Two The Boy With No Friends**

"Let me get this straight, you're reading...because it's fun?" her voice filled the room in the same whiny tone he had been hearing all morning. "What is it you're reading?"

"Never you mind, Bella." Severus said in a calm voice.

Two weeks had passed since his incident with Lily, he rarely saw her now. Only in Potions and in Advanced DATDA did he see her. What did he care now? He hardly knew her.

"I always found that very...attractive about you. You know that?" She said in her low husky voice, trying hard to sound seductively sweet.

Severus scoffed and snorted in her face, "Aren't you going out with Lestrange?"

She looked at him through her heavy lidded eyelids and through her thich chestnut bangs, "And?"

"I'm sorry, I don't do sloppy seconds."

She stood up flushed and looking absolutely livid, "You don't do sloppy seconds, but you stare at Evans every oppurtunity you get?"

Severus looked up at her casually but panic ran through his head and then firmly said back, "Why would I stare at a mudblood like her? You definitely must be desperate if your jealous of someone like her. Poor Lestrange." "Hmmph, I'm not blind Severus." And with that walked away.

_She's bluffing...She lies... _

He smirked, she needed to close her mind.

Bellatrix Black, she was Sirius Blacks cousin, and sister to Narcissa Black and to some other Black that he didn't know of because they were both too ashamed to talk about. She must be in Gryffindor, he always thought. But back to her, she had a big mop of chestnut brown hair, heavy lidded eyelids, big grayish blue eyes, thin lips and a pale complexion. She was a rather dark and scary woman, she can look pretty on a good day but never beautiful, at least Severus never thought so. His mum always tried pushing them together, never worked on his part...there had even came a time when Bella was in love with him...well not in love, infatuated, obsessed, would be better words. Now Bellatrix was with Rupert Lestrange, rumors were that they were getting married as soon as they left Hogwarts and completed whatever the Dark Lord has them do. Yes, they were big with him. Bellatrix was at least,

Severus wasn't sure about Lestrange.

"Severus, time is running out..." Lucius hissed in his ear as they entered Potions together.

He pretended not to hear him as Lily rushed agaisnt him to get in, the scent of lavender filled his nostrils.

"He usually doesn't have to wait this long for followers...he says he sees great things..."

Chills went up and down his spine,

"Not now Malfoy, not the place or the time."

"Sit sit sit," rang the voice of Professer Slughorn. "Today we will be learning--sit down Mr. Potter---put that down Mr. Potter! Ahem, today we will be learning the fine art of making the Healing Potion, very difficuly potion, cleans out all your stomach without the indigestion," A few disgusted grunts from girls, "but if made wrong in can severely hurt your insides. Severely." He added a giddy smile and took out his wand and wrote a few things on the board. "Here are the directions, follow them."

Severus looked at them up and down, he stared at it and re read every line. He looked down at his book, that can't be right... If he put more than an ounce it would overflow...He looked up and smirked, he added that in his book as a note.

"Mr. Snape, wonderful, it's amazing how yours is the only one that is that shade of lavender! Amazing, and Miss Evans is right behind you, oh but I'm sorry Miss Evans, yours is more of a purple. I know, I know. It happens."

Lily sighed and shot a look at Severus and crossed her arms.

The bell rang.

"Evans, Hogsmeade weekend, I'm not going with anyone, I'm doing you a favor by asking you, since we all know no ones going with you." He smirked at her.

_That was cocky of him; he'd be surprised how many tossers wanted a shot with Evans,_ thought Severus.

"I rather have indigestion." Lily snapped, wriggling free of his grasp.

Severus snorted.

"Found that funny Snivellus?"

"Maybe I did." he sneered dangerously. He started to walk to the library when he felt a tug at his arm.

"What do you want Evans?" He felt his stomach make a leap.

"Why do you pretend you hate me?" She asked abruptly, one had placed gently on her hip. She was staring at him through her fierce and piercing green eyes, and had a slight twisted smile.

"_Excuse me_?" He scoffed and let out a chuckle. "Pretend?"

"I know you don't, Severus. I _know_." She cooed at him, circling him with a silly smile.

Severus stared at the creature, amazed; he had never met anyone with such a bold personality. "Shouldn't you hate me?"

"I don't think so." She said crossing her arms. "Should I?"

"Yes." He said at once.

"Why?"

"Because--well--because, I call you a _mudblood_!" He said, desperate to find excuses to get this woman away from him,

"It's just a silly word." She said, still staring hard into his dark eyes, piercing them with her green ones. He could tell she was getting lost in them, trying to remain focus, trying to stay with him...she wasn't ready to get lost, just yet.

"Well, I hate you." He sneered.

"Why?"

He stopped dead, she looked so honestly curious, what was it about her that was so enticing, so addicting? He gave her a look, as if daring her to flirt with him. She returned that look with a smirk.

"Don't answer, it'll only make your head hurt."

"Why are you here Evans?"

For once, she looked away, "I thought, well, I just had an idea that maybe, we could be--"

_Please don't say it, he thought, Don't say what I think you're going for...that word...the word full of treachery without meaning, full of lies and empty promises..._

"_Friends_?" He blurted out, he couldn't help but laughing a little. "Are you serious?"

She looked, surprisingly, stung; how could she not expect this answer? "Well...yah."

"I don't have any friends." He said at once, composing himself. "I don't want any friends."

"Everyone wants friends!"

"I don't." He snapped. "Having a friend, means you trust them and you feel for them." He paused and looked away and then added, bitterly, "I don't feel for anyone, not even myself."

Lily continued to stare at him, "You can't keep lying to yourself, Severus. Everyone feels. Everyone loves. Everyone trusts. Whether they like it or not. It's called being human."

Severus smirked at her and then said in a deep dark low voice, "What if I'm not human? What if I--"

"Stop with that rubbish." She said, raising her hand up. "You don't scare me with your talk of the Dark Arts, you may scare everyone else, but you don't scare me. So stop. In realizing you have a friend, first you have to realize you're human. Like everyone else."

_Like everyone else..._

Those words angered him, they frustrated him, they made him want to punch the wall...He wasn't like everyone else. He tried so hard to separate himself and then some mud blood tells him he's like every other common wizard.

"I don't think so." He said dangerously. She could tell she touched a nerve so she pursed her lips and said nothing. "I have nothing more to say to you, I made my case clear and I've heard yours thorough and I'm not convinced. So no, we can't be," He swallowed and said the word with pure disgust and loathes, "friends."

**Authors Notes: **_The second chapter of Behind the Prince, now we're looking deeper into the world of the boy who claims not to feel emotions. We're looking through his eyes, looking through his emotions-- at the word that disappointed him so. **Stay tuned. **Remember, no flaming, constructive criticism._


	3. In His Dept

**Chapter Three In His Dept**

"So, change of plans Snape," Lucious said shortly after class, coming up behind him. "It turns out, as I overheard Black telling Pettigrew in the Hospital Wing, when I went to gloat, that Potter is going to Hogsmeade through a different way, something to do with the Whomping Willow and if you tug at the bottom left root it freezes. Supposively there's something there." His eyes were wide with excitement.

Severus looked at him and thought it over, "Did he know you were nearby?"

"No, I went to the direction of the door but then stopped to tie my shoe." He replied with a half-shrug. "He's leaving today at five. C'mon Severus, it's Potty, all alone." His smile grew even more wicked than he thought imaginable.

Severus could have sworn Lucius' gray eyes were swirling with hate.

"You're right, today at five, you said?" He nodded. "I'm there, Potter isn't going to be getting anything by me any longer."

Lucius cracked a glorious smile, "Great. Do you need help?"

"Oh no, I want to do this on my own."

He tapped the desk impatiently with his quill, five more minutes until the class was over. Then he could go off and--

"It's a trap," said a voice from behind him. It was her, again.

"What are you talking about?" He spat.

"I know it, I heard it too and then I also heard Sirius start sniggering when Lucius left the room. Don't go, please, don't go." She pleaded to him, she started to hush her voice.

His eyes widened, "How do you know--"

"Does Lucius Malfoy ever keep his voice down when he's talking?" Lily added hastily. "There's nothing at the Whomping Willow, Sirius just wants you to get whacked--or maybe he was hoping for Lucius to go so he could get his revenge. Listen to me--don't roll your eyes."

"Stop sticking your nose in business that doesn't concern you." He spat. She opened her mouth again. " What is it with you? Stop talking to me you filthy mudblood, you are poisoning my air with your breath."

She backed away, notably stung and hurt, she let her hands down in defeat. She opened and closed her mouth, looking a bit speechless. Usually he would praise himself for hurting someone to this point but he felt...somewhat guilty...

_Yah well she deserved it._

She shoved past him and walked away, he stared at her storm off, picking up her pace as she carried on. He felt another stab of guilt.

* * *

"Okay, look at him go." Lucius muttered, staring from the Astronomy Tower at James Potter. "There he goes with his invisibility cloak and look--look! The tree stopped moving!"

"Okay, I don't need you to narrate it for me." He sneered coldly. "He's in, I still have time to get there before the tree unfreezes or something. Hand me the broomstick."

Lucius cracked a venomous grin, "Here you go."

He swung one leg over the wooden stick and kicked himself off the ground. He felt the breeze under his hair and hit him in the face, making his eyes tear up. He wasn't ever a real bad flier, he just didn't feel the adrenaline of it all like some people would like James Potter, for instance. No he didn't feel a thing, although sometimes he wished he did...so he could be the one that people wanted to be and who said 'hi' to him in the halls, even thought he would go up to them, let alone have a decent conversation with them...he'd like to be known as something great rather then a freak who read too much and loved the Dark Arts, which he was but that was beside the point.

He landed roughly on the ground, making a thund with his feet. He stared as the trunks and branches stayed perfectly still, without movement, it almost scared him more then when it was moving. Like it was plotting it's attack.

He edged near it and slithered into the passageway. It was cold and in the distance he heard footsteps and dripping water. The footsteps weren't coming towards him, then he realized there was exhos here so he had to walk slowly.

He felt smug, he knew how much trouble James would be if he told...maybe even expelled...

He heard loud noises as he edged nearer, he must have walked a mile, he knew he wasn't in Hogwarts anymore. As he got closer, he heard growls and things crashing together. Screaming, as if in pain.

He stopped dead in his tracks.

_Did...she..Was she right? Was this a trick?_

He kept walking, hearing the noise grow louder and the beating of his heart take pace.

Then he saw steps and a trap door on top. He heard howls...like a _werewolfs_,

He stopped moving. He couldn't feel his legs, he lowered his wand to his face so he could keep aware of all his surroundings.

"Potter?" He growled loudly.

He edged closer to the door, and he felt that when he walked closer the noise grew louder...more determined...more savage.

He then saw the door swing open and saw James Potter come out.

He was tucking a small mirror in his pants, he seemed to have a cut on his lip, and small patches of blood and bruises all over.

"Get out!" He snarled. He took him by the collar. "I'm saving your sorry arse, come on! Don't make it difficult."

"Get your hands off me Potter! What are you trying to hide from me?" He pointed his wand at him. "_Expelliarmus!_" James wand flew out of his hand. "Get out with it!"

James face contorted in anger, "What in bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

He turned around and made it for the trap door. He pulled it open and shoved his head up there.

James pulled his leg and pulled him down.

Severus then saw it...staring at him for a split second, with big yellow eyes and fur covering its whole body. Saliva dripping from it's mouth with hunger.

James made another tug, making Severus fall. James then took the liberty to steal his wand back and close the trap door and put a temporary lock on it. He then heard growls and bangs and howls of pain.

"What was that Potter?"

"_Expelliarmus! _It was a werewolf, and if it wasn't for me, you'd probably be a goner by now. I don't have time to answer your stupid questions. Just walk." James said dangerously. Severus took him by the collar and threw him to the ground.

"Tell me Potter, or it's going to be all over for you. Dumbledore will know of this, mark my words--"

"_Stupefy!_" He pushed him off and spat in his face, "He already knows and if I were you, I'd keep my mouth shut."

He then kicked him in the stomach.

Severus groaned as James threw his wand at his head. He stood up and pushed him once more.

"You don't quit do you?"

"_Sectumsempra!"_

James started holding on to his face, blood squirted from it and dripped from it. Cuts started appearing like invisable razors were hacking away on it.

"_Finisempra!_" And it stopped. Blood was everywhere. On James clothes, on Severus' hands, on the walls...

Severus backed away and looked down at James who was desperately trying not to make a noise as he cleaned his face.

Severus flicked his wand and the blood stopped coming but the cuts were still there. He gave him a disgusting grin and walked away.

After a mile of walking in silence with James behind him, in even more silence. He started remembering everything Lily had warned him about...Black knew about it, James knew about it...His insides were shaking with rage. It was meant for a trap, to make him look like a fool, to even go to measures close to death.

"You deserved it." He muttered under his breath, directing it at James. Cuts were open and fresh, diagonally on his face. That was nothing to what that would have caused him...

"So did you." He heard him say. Or maybe what he _thought..._

Severus got out without thinking and the moment he got up he was taken down by a savage branch, across his stomach. And then another and another until James felt like tugging at the root.

"Gentlemen, good evening." said a voice when Severus hit the ground. "I am not even going to ask because I already know the answer. Follow me."

"Yes, Professor Dumbledore."

* * *

"Explain, Mr. Snape, what you were doing by the Whomping Willow." Professor Dumbledore asked him gently, his blue eyes peering at him innocently.

"I was following Potter, sir. I saw him go there and touch something, the tree stopped, sir. And well... I saw it, it was a werewolf." He said in return, not lowering his gaze.

"I see," He said, his voice still light and breezy. "I will not lie to you, Severus, I know about the werewolf. But we usually refer to him as Mr. Lupin when the full moons not in tact."

Severus felt his jaw drop...

_Lupin's a werewolf?_

He remained speechless, James was covering his face with his hands,

"And what were you doing there, James?"

"I-I-I heard from someone there was a passageway there and then I had to check it out."

Dumbledore peered once more at him through his tiny spectacles, "Is that the truth James?"

James moved his eyes away from his, "Wouldn't I tell you the truth if it was something important, sir?"

He backed his head away and let out an exhausted sigh, "Severus, you have seen a lot today and are now filled with plenty information, it would be in your good judgement to keep this information between us." He gave him a small look that bluntly said 'or else.' "Don't think of it as doing us a favor, do it so you can be the better man. Revenge is a boys game, a petty boys game."

Severus looked up at him and nodded, feeling bruises from on his arms and stomach.

_A boy's game... That's a thought._

_Close your mind Dumbledore._

_**The Mind is a fickle thing, Severus.**_

Severus shook his head, Dumbledore was a very strong studier of occulemency (sp?), he could even send messages back.

"Sorry professor." He said in a low praising voice.

"No problem, Severus." He said in a slightly amused tone. "You are a very strong Legilimence(sp?), if I do say so myself." He suddenly became lost in thought and he looked back at him in a grave matter. He cleared his throat, "Now tell me what you've done to Mr. Potter's face."

"He attacked me, it was self-defense." He said in a casual voice.

James touched his face again, he could swore his eyes were watering. Severus knew he must be in pain, "I had to professor! He was heading staight to Remus and he wouldn't listen! And I couldn't exactly yell 'you can't go in there, a werewolfs there', I mean who would believe that?"

He had a point.

"You should go see Madam Pomfrey, James, I'll take care of this from here. Go, don't worry boy. No one will stop you looking like that and I'm sure you have that cloak of yours with you." His eyes glittered as he spoke. James gave him a half-smile and got up. He shot Severus a look and then left.

"So Severus, that was pretty dark magic you've preformed on Mr. Potter, now what spell was that?" He asked him in a serious, yet airy voice.

"A spell I made, sir. Sectumsempra."

"And those are the results?"

"Yes sir, I made it so if I ever got threatened by dark magic, I'd have a counter."

"And you felt James was dark magic?"

"Well...it was the only thing I could think of at the moment."

"And you think you can overcome dark magic with more dark magic?" He asked, stroking his beard.

Severus nodded.

"You're wrong, my boy. Wizards who preform dark magic are wizards that have never met love, and giving them what they gave you, isn't going to make them stop...no, boy, it won't...You have the biggest weapon right there." He pointed at his heart. "Love. If you love, you can overcome."

"Yes, sir."

"If you think about it, Severus, James saved your life today. As much I know both of you boys have your differences, it's something to think about. Maybe you'll see him with new respect." He smiled. "Or not. But none-the-less, you _are _in his dept, m'boy. You owe Mr. Potter your life."

Severus was trying with all his might to try to block that out. _In the dept of Potter? Never. He didn't save me for me, he saved me for his sorry neck. Wanker._

"That will be all Severus, now I don't want to see anymore of that dark magic in my school." He ordered him, his eyes digging into his.

"Yes sir."

"Don't forget about what we discussed."

"I won't."

_Too bad sir, that I don't love._

_**Yes you do, my boy. Go to Madam Pomfrey.**_

"Bye sir."

* * *

He felt himself limp as he walked up the tower to Madam Pomfrey, he stared at his reflection in the window, bruises were covering his eyes and his rather razor cheekbones...his hair was a mess and covered in dirt, his lip was smeared with dry blood and his clothes looked ragged and ripped. He could hardly move his arms and legs.

He kept walking, thinking to himself. Thinking about her.

She tried helping him, she tried giving him advice and he didn't listen. Then he insulted her and drove her away. The only person in this school who cared about what he did and cared if he got hurt.

Unlike Lucius who didn't even check to find out what was there before sending him there.

He felt guilt and he felt pain, which was a horrible combination.

"Mr. Snape, you too?" Madam Pomfrey sounded exasperated. "Sit sit sit, let me see."

He sat on the bed, obediantly, a couple of beds away from James and Sirius, who looked furious at the sight of him.

"Fractures! Bruises! Blood clots! Not to mention a few broken ribs! You're going to need to stay the night, you'll be ready by noon tomorrow and you're going to need to drink this." She handed him some purple solution that looked rather chunky. It burned as it went down his throat, he swore it was going to leave blisters.

_Damn stupid bloody woman._

"Now sit sit, I'm afraid though, that you have a vistor and she insists to see you." She said, winking at him.

_Was she really,_

"Miss Evans, you can come in."

Severus' head shot up, and from the corner of his eye he could see James head as well. Severus tried desperately to flatten his hair.

"Sod off." James hissed at him, his face contorted in anger.

"Severus?" She peaked her head around the corner, her smile lit up the room. He felt a blush creep on his face. Her eyes darted to the two very angry Marauders, she cleared her throat, "Hi, Sirius. Hello James." Her attention was no focused on Severus, "Told you so."

Severus smirked and flicked his wand, he muttered a little spell, "You can speak freely now. They can't hear us."

Lily looked at them again and sat on the corner of his bed, "Are--are you okay?"

He shrugged, "Been better."

Lily nodded and then wacked him in the leg.

"What was THAT for?" He said groaning loudly. James cracked a smile.

"THAT was being a total arse to me when I was trying to help you, next time someones trying to watch your back don't take it so badly, okay?" She snapped.

He grinned at her, "Okay. Just to let you know, we're still not friends."

"Fine with me. What are we then?"

He thought for a moment, "Familiar acquaintances."

She sighed, "Okay, we're that then."

Severus looked away and suddenly became deep in thought.

_"Get out of my mind boy! I told you to GET OUT!" The man yelled, pushing the boy back, watching him topple over. "That should teach you to respect your teachers."_

_"I'm-I'm sorry." The boy said, going in a small ball, holding himself. "Don't hurt me, please."_

_"Don't beg boy, it's pathetic and worthless. Do you think the Dark Lord takes pity in beggers? NO, he doesn't." He sneered at the boy on the ground._

_"I-I-I-"_

_"CRUCIO!"_

"Severus?" Lily said, breaking into his train of thought. He looked up at her green eyes, her genuine sweet green eyes... She didn't deserve the way he was treating her... "I just came to make sure you were alright, and you are. So I'll talk to you some other time, if you want me to."

He nodded slowly.

She got up and headed for the door.

"Hey...thanks."

She looked back and smirked and continued heading for the door.

He then flicked his wand again and the buzzing in James and Sirius' ears ceased.

**

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Authors Notes: Third chapter in the life of Mr. Severus Snape. Hope you like it, please comment. Hard Love and Finding Lily are still going on. The new chapter of Hard Love, should be coming out by next week.**

**Enjoy.**


	4. Emotions

**Chapter Four Emotions**

Four months later and there she was lying on his bed, still there,  
just like she had always said she would be. He gazed at her radiating  
skin. He continued to stare, his eye sight went down to her bosom and  
he blushed. They were still just friends, even though he knew she  
wanted more but of course he wouldn't have it. It was bad enough that  
they were friends but what would everyone think if they were together?  
Even if she was different then everyone else, her laughter was the  
only laughter he could tolerate.  
He admitted to no one how much he really felt for her, it was  
definitely stronger then tolerance.

He watched as she ran passed him to be the first in line at the  
library to check out some book, she had dragged him out of his bed  
early in the morning. She sent her owl to go peck him to death and  
dropped a note that briefly explained how he was not missing out on  
this Hogsmeade weekend.  
Three months had passed since his experience with James and the rest  
of his pathetic pack of cronies. It wasn't the same afterwards, he  
didn't tell anyone of what he saw because he was a man of his word and  
spreading rumors was just as immature as name calling, and Severus  
thought himself above that.  
James rarely ever came in contact with him anymore and when he did,  
the air around the two of them stiffened and James went all limp and  
awkward leaving Severus with a sense of power and control and he would  
often take the opportunity to do or say something that would have  
usually triggered James to his defensive mode, but he stayed quiet and  
hesitant. Severus would sometimes catch him grinding his teeth. Severus  
would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it. He savored the thought of  
James changing his routes so he wouldn't bump into him, he almost lust  
it even.  
Sirius on the other hand, he was stubborn and hard headed and would  
never lower his head around him. But, he would also never say anything  
to him first; he always waited for Severus to say one slimy thing then  
he'd counter it and snap at him dangerously.  
"Severus! Hurry," Lily's voice cut through his thoughts, she reached  
for his hand a pulled it forward.  
"Coming," Severus reluctantly walked towards her and stood behind her  
in line.  
He did admit, he let their relationship farther then he would have  
liked. He always tried to build boundaries but he constantly pushed  
them down. He grew rather fond of having her around; he almost dared to  
say-needed her around. She would spill her heart out to him and he  
would take what she would give and give nothing back.  
"This is the book you wanted," He smirked as he snatched her book  
away. "'Recovering Inner Magic' what is that suppose to be?"  
"Don't be so judgmental." She snapped and tried taking it away but he  
was too quick. She whipped her hair back and put her hands on her  
waist, "Please."  
That's when he saw it, the twinkle in her eyes as he walked past.  
James shot her a small smile and she gave him one back, but the moment  
was gone as fast as it happened.  
Severus cleared his throat and handed the book back to her.

_"Don't you love mother?" The small boy asked his father with innocent  
prying.  
The man looked at the boy like he had just said the most humorous joke  
in the world, "Love? Oh you foolish boy, one day you'll learn the real  
meaning of love."  
The boy continued to stare, "Meaning? Isn't it supposed to be a  
feeling, an emotion-not a thing you can define, sir?"  
The man arched his eyebrow at the boy, "Where you coming with all of  
this rubbish? Love is a fancy concurred by the naïve and the fools. It  
is merely an idea to keep them going when the going gets tough. There  
is no such thing as love, just fleeting."  
"So what you and mother have?"  
"Is just convenient for us."_

He brushed past her to look at a book; he couldn't look into her eyes  
and call her 'convenient', he'd be lying to himself. Wouldn't he? That  
was what she was, wasn't it? Or was she more? No, she wasn't.  
"Are you okay? You seem distant today." Lily gave him a funny look and  
tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "If you want, we can just go  
back-foolish idea of mine to come here."  
He placed his hand over her briefly, in a teasing way, "No, it's cool.  
We'll stay. Let's take a walk though, up by where the Shrieking Shack  
is."  
"Let me pay and we'll go," She replied brightly.

"You spend too much time with her," barked Lucius, his eyes were two  
spiteful slits of venom. "How do you think that makes you look? I  
continuously defend you with Him and with the mates. They think you're  
going soft."  
He ran a hand past his hair and growled, "Tell them to say that to my  
face and they'll see if I've gone soft. I dare them."  
"That's the bloody Severus I know." Lucius demanded brightly. "But out  
of interest mate, what is your craze with this mud blood? Hmm?"  
Severus stared into Lucius gray eyes; they looked like they were  
trying to dig into his soul. He knew better then to tell Lucius  
anything considered a tad bit personal. He was no one you could trust.  
He had the manipulative voice of a God; he could talk a snake into  
doing something without having to be parceltongue. One more thing,  
nothing ever stayed secret with him, not to mention he was a twofaced  
snake.  
"Does she strike your fancy?" He asked, in a mock stunned voice.  
Severus shoved him, "Of course not. I would never feel that way for  
that."  
"Well then, what's the deal?"  
"Don't you think Potter notices how much time I spend with her?"  
Severus asked with a nasty little voice. It killed him inside to say  
something like that.  
He felt like he was growing into two separate people, the person he  
was with others and the person he was with Lily; two very idiosyncratic  
people, battling inside him.  
Lucius' wicked smirk peaked out, "Brilliant, bloody brilliant."  
"I have class right now; I'll talk to you late." Severus winked at him  
and stormed out of the room. He felt like he needed to hold Lily so he  
could prove to himself that he wasn't a bad person and that he did care  
about her, deep inside.  
He felt like-and there he was again, he thought. James Potter was by  
her side as she laughed, probably at one of his nonsensically consumed  
jokes. He felt pounds of jealousy devour him.  
"Ittle wittle Snapey, brain is like a grapey," boomed Peeves brushing  
past his ear. "If you look real close, he looks just like an aaaapey."  
He cackled with laughter.  
"Stuff it," he snarled through gritted teeth.  
"Tut tut, Peeves, you wouldn't want the Bloody Baron to hear of this  
now would you, hmm?" Came a voice from a near corner. Severus turned  
his head and met his gaze with no other then Sabina Clare accompanied  
with her friend Draya Sleet, he continued to meet Draya's gaze.  
This vain lady had hooded brown eyes that were like two splotches of  
sparkling mud. Her luxurious, straight, chocolate-colored hair was worn  
in a style that reminds you of a holy halo and was sometimes, he  
noticed, worn in a fine, curly utilitarian style. She wasn't very tall  
but had a graceful build. Her skin was a light olive. She had thin  
eyebrows. Her wardrobe was unconventional and tight, with a lot of  
black and violet.  
It was very hard not to stare at her for a while.  
Sabina on the other hand, reminded you of a cobra waiting to strike.  
She small green eyes that didn't sparkle as much as Lily's but had a  
spark to them. Her dark hair was parted to the side.  
Peeves stared at her with disgust, let out a huge raspberry and left.  
Severus looked down at the strange woman he knew and said, "Are you  
waiting for me to praise you?"  
She scoffed, "I know better." She shifted her weight and caught eyes  
with Lily, she didn't move her gaze until a while passed, "Who does she  
think she is?"  
"Who?" Severus asked distracted with all the books Sabina had in her  
bag.  
"No one," She moved her head and gave him a gracious smile. "I haven't  
had time to visit with you lately. Are you planning to come to my home  
for the holidays? I hear your mum is going to be there." Her eyes  
looked wide and hopeful. At least she had some emotion, Severus  
thought, eyeing Draya's blank expressions.  
Severus shrugged, "I haven't really thought about it."  
"Well you should," Sabina gave him a seductive wink and walked away  
flipping her hair. Draya strutted away with her as they walked by his  
classroom.  
He had known her since they were just kids, her family was of a pure  
descent and his mother's mum would badger his mother to make dinner  
arrangement to get the name 'Prince' back on the charts.  
He knew very little about Draya, she was very low key and no one  
really knew anything about her either. Although, they did know about  
how her parents died in a freak accident and she lived with a man off  
in South England somewhere. Severus wasn't much to gossip but he did  
hear this nasty rumor that she and her foster parent were having a love  
affair. Although he reckoned that he was just her parent's friend.  
He walked past Lily and sat in a chair farthest away from her, he  
could feel her eyes penetrating into his skin. He swore under his  
breath, he was fighting to keep his eyes concentrated on his paper.  
Why should I care who she talks to? She isn't my property, she  
shouldn't feel guilty about socializing.  
Then again, if she wants to be my friend she has to obi by my rules  
and she perfectly damn well knows that I can't stand him. Sure she  
doesn't know the whole story, but she should make the big gesture of  
separating herself from him if she even wants to be my friend.  
"Mr. Snape, can you explain to be how daydreaming is going to help  
protect yourself from the Dark Arts?" barked Professer Liglby.  
Severus stared at all the amused faces waiting for an answer, "Well  
maybe if you actually knew what you were talking about, I'd listen."  
"Well then," Professer Liglby, outraged, chirped, "maybe some  
detention will open your ears a bit more."  
"I doubt that." He muttered under his breath, he felt dissatisfied as  
Professor Liglby turned away, unscathed.  
He hated how his mind always seemed to jump one step ahead of everyone  
elses, he was like on another thinking level, he seemed to always jump  
on nasty conclusions.  
He felt torn between the thought of Sabina and Lily. Sabina was a much  
more sensible catch, more things in common, better name--but something  
still tug at him. If he wanted to go down the easy road, Sabina would  
be the number one choice but nothing in his life was ever easy so  
picking the easy road would just get his hopes up.  
He hated everything in his life so far, not one thing happened to make  
sense, not one thing. Lily, was ranking number one in that list.

"I saw you staring at me earlier," Lily said to him bravely, after  
class she sped up to talk to him. He stared her dead in the eyes and  
waited for her to continue. "What was that about?"  
"I don't know what you're talking about." He replied casually. He  
stared at her fiery locks of hair, it was in loose curls and down to  
her shoulders. She reminded him of a lost gypsie, with hypnotizing eyes  
to get them to leave her money. She was a gypsy and he was a noble,  
mesmerized. In moments, he could picture her in rags and then quickly  
in jewels.  
She continued to stare at him, she reached for his hand, "Let's go  
outside, skip the rest of your day, the sun is shining and the day is  
nice."  
He felt the sides of his mouth twitch; was that, dare he say it, a  
smile creeping on? He didn't pull his hand away, "Sure."

They laid under the tree and stared out at the clouds. She was right,  
it was a nice day. He could feel his heart pound harder as she breathed  
in and out, lying next to him.  
"What's your most missed memory?" She asked him, her voice as soft as  
a whisper. He hesitated to answer because he had never been asked such  
a random question in such a random moment.  
"Excuse me?" He couldn't hide how his voice sounded incredibly snobby,  
like that question was beneath him.  
She didn't seem to catch it and repeated it.  
He thought about it and without much of a care in the world replied,  
"I miss how my mum was before she remarried."  
She stayed quiet and continued breathing, "How was she like?"  
He didn't even need to think hard for the answer, "Wonderful, she had  
time for me. She wasn't so filled with pride and lust for things in the  
world that don't even matter. My mum was always so strong and so  
independant and so much more then she is with this bloke. This bloke  
thinks my mum is a joke, that she is so dependant on him--she doesn't  
need him, she has me."  
Lily didn't say anything for a while, he became very aware of how close  
their hands were, "Women are much more complex then meets the eye, Sev,  
when a woman feels the need to act so strong, its because they are at  
their weakest. Some women act like they don't need a man when they  
really do."  
"Stop, she doesn't need him. You don't understand." He shook his  
head, not wanting to hear anything else she had to say.  
"Okay," was her only response.  
"What's your favorite excuse in the whole wide world for being late?"  
He laughed as he asked her this, feeling sort of foolish for playing  
along to her game.  
She smiled, "Are you being sarcastic?"  
He shook his head, "C'mon answer."  
"'I was tired', I mean who cares if you were tired--if you're supposed  
to meet someone at a certain time, then you should be there." Lily said  
almost in speed voice.  
Severus couldn't help but laughing out loud, without thinking, he  
reached for her hand.  
He saw her a reddish blanket covered her cheeks but her hand remained.  
He turned on his arm and he stared at her, she saw this and turned too.  
The grass was long and it tickled his nose.  
His heart beated faster. He braced himself. He could feel himself  
regretting it.

_He pretended to stare at the scene from afar. Two teenagers under a  
tree. Kissing. Touching. The boy continues to stare. His hearts  
breaking as the girl with the reddish locks escaped into a world where  
he knew her heart would end up broken._

_

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_

**A/N: Hope you liked it. I had a little help from my friend Ash, so I must give her credit. CONSTUCTIVE CRITICISM, no flaming--seriously. Thank you for all the feedback I got on FL.**


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